Perfectionism can be a tricky companion for many of us with ADHD. It might seem strange—after all, ADHD often comes with challenges like distractibility and disorganisation. Yet, many people find themselves caught in the web of perfectionism, striving for an unattainable ideal. It’s like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands; the more you reach for it, the more it slips away.
You’re not alone if you’ve felt this way. Many individuals with ADHD experience that push and pull between wanting to do things perfectly and grappling with the reality of their abilities. It’s a frustrating cycle that can leave you feeling anxious and overwhelmed.
Why Does Perfectionism Occur with ADHD?
Perfectionism in those with ADHD can stem from several factors:
Fear of Failure: The fear of not meeting expectations—either from oneself or others—can lead to an overwhelming desire to achieve perfection. This can be particularly pronounced in individuals who have faced criticism in the past.
Impulsivity and Procrastination: Paradoxically, the impulsivity associated with ADHD can lead to a cycle of starting projects with enthusiasm but then delaying completion due to feeling that the outcome must be flawless. This often results in a last-minute rush that can amplify perfectionistic tendencies.
Comparison to Others: In a world full of curated social media profiles and success stories, it’s easy to feel inadequate. This comparison can fuel the desire to be perfect, even when that’s an unrealistic standard.
Understanding Perfectionism
Perfectionism isn’t just about trying to do a good job; it can actually trap you in ways that make it harder to get things done in a reasonable amount of time. It often involves fixating on small details and feeling anxious about them.
It’s essential to recognise when your expectations might be unrealistic. Here are some red flags:
Feeling disappointed when you’re not naturally or immediately good at something.
Moving the goalposts whenever you do meet your expectations.
Becoming stressed or overwhelmed when things don’t go exactly as planned.
Worrying more about how you’re perceived than about actually succeeding.
Unhealthy perfectionism can drive you to exhaustion, chasing a level of flawlessness that’s neither reasonable nor healthy. For many, these perfectionist traits stem from ADHD—an overcompensation for past mistakes or feelings of inadequacy. It’s important to remember that letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean you won’t worry about mistakes or failures; it means accepting that they are part of life and crucial for growth.
Thoughts and Feelings Associated with Perfectionism
Living with perfectionism can create a rollercoaster of emotions:
Anxiety: The pressure to be perfect can lead to ongoing feelings of worry and stress, making even small tasks feel monumental.
Frustration: When things don’t go as planned or when mistakes happen, feelings of frustration can surface, leading to a negative cycle.
Shame: There may be a sense of shame around not meeting one’s own or others’ standards, creating further stress.
Imagine perfectionism like a cat trying to catch a laser pointer. No matter how fast it pounces, the elusive dot is always just out of reach, leaving the cat (and perhaps you) feeling exasperated!
Practical Strategies for Managing Perfectionism
Here are some strategies to help manage perfectionistic tendencies while being kind to yourself:
Set Realistic Goals: Break tasks into manageable parts and set achievable goals. Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for “good enough.” Remember, even a bumpy road can lead to beautiful destinations.
Limit Time on Tasks: Set a timer for how long you’ll spend on a task. This can help prevent endless tweaking and allow you to recognise when something is done, rather than perfect.
Embrace Imperfection: Challenge yourself to intentionally do something imperfectly—like doodling instead of drawing a masterpiece. This can help reduce the fear of making mistakes.
Reflect on Accomplishments: Keep a journal where you celebrate your successes, no matter how small. This can help shift your focus from what didn’t go perfectly to what you achieved.
Investigate with Curiosity: Instead of judging yourself for your perfectionism, explore it with curiosity. Pay attention to what’s working and what isn’t. Recognising progress, no matter how small, can help you redefine what “good enough” looks like before you start a task.
Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay not to be perfect. Treat yourself as you would a friend—would you berate them for a slip-up? Probably not!
Seek Support: Connecting with others who understand can provide a sense of community. Consider talking to a coach or therapist who can help you navigate these feelings.
Navigating the world of ADHD and perfectionism can feel like trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle. It’s challenging, and it’s okay to stumble along the way.
Remember that this journey is not about achieving perfection but rather about finding balance and embracing who you are—flaws and all.
As you work through these challenges, be patient with yourself. Perfectionism may be a persistent companion, but with understanding and the right strategies, you can find ways to coexist more peacefully. After all, life’s too short to miss out on the joy of simply being you!
Mirka